Finally Satisfied Read online

  FINALLY SATISFIED

  by Tori Scott

  Copyright 2011

  Smashwords Edition License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  With thanks to all who helped bring this novella to publication, from editing to copyediting to beta reading: Debra Holland, Cindi Mitchell, and A. Howard Payne

  FINALLY SATISFIED

  Chapter One

  Angel Kensington could feel the panic attack coming on. Sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, chest pain, choppy breathing. She searched the kitchen for a distraction and grabbed a cinnamon roll from the counter. She peeled a section off and popped it into her mouth, concentrating on the flavor, the texture--anything but what her younger sister Cara wanted her to do.

  Caramia put a hand on Angel’s shoulder. "I know how hard it will be for you, really. But this is the most important day of my life. Doesn’t that mean anything? "

  She shrugged Cara’s hand off and moved to the other side of the center island. "You should know better than to even ask. Let Reggie do it." Angel turned to their mother. "Mom, tell her. Tell her I can’t do this. "

  "Don't bring me into this. It wasn't my idea." Anna Kensington wiped the kitchen counter with a dishrag, shaking her head as her daughters continued to argue.

  "Just tell me why," Cara begged. "You at least owe me that much."

  Angel scowled. Why couldn't Cara just accept no for an answer and let it go? She'd managed to go sixteen years without letting anyone in on her darkest secret, and she didn't intend to start now. "Two reasons. I don’t want to have a panic attack in front of all those people, and you know that’s a distinct possibility. Second, I don't want to be paired up with Mitchell Turner, but it's inevitable if he's going to be Gray's best man."

  Cara sighed. "You can take your meds before the ceremony to take care of the first problem. As for the second, you won't be paired up with anyone. All you have to do is walk out with Mitch, then you can stay as far away from him as you want the rest of the time. It's not like I'm asking you to date him."

  Damned good thing, but she still didn't want to do this. How could she not, though, without looking like a self-absorbed bitch? She'd tried very hard to not let her mother and sister know how often she had the attacks, or how bad they were. If they knew, they’d worry a lot more than they did now, and her mother would hover. She knew sixteen years was way too long for it to affect her. But she couldn't help it. She'd tried to put the past behind her, just forget it, but nothing worked.

  The panic attacks came without warning. Stress made them more frequent and stronger. Being in the wedding, being near Mitch, would shoot her stress levels through the roof. Maybe if she doubled up on Ativan… "Fine. But I don't want to be dressed up like some fancy peacock. I get to choose my dress or no deal."

  "No problem. You and Reggie and I will go shopping together. As long as I get to choose the color, you two can do the rest." Cara let out an audible sigh of relief. "Thank you. I want this wedding to be perfect, but how could it be without you in it to share it with me?"

  "Just promise me you won't try to do any matchmaking, or even try to make me dance with Mitch. Because I won't do it, and I won't be ladylike about saying no." Angel turned and fled the kitchen before Cara could press her for more details. Mitch seemed like a genuinely nice guy, but she didn’t trust him. She knew his family, and if he was anything like them, he had an ulterior motive behind those boyish good looks and southern charm.

  Ever since Cara and Gray had gotten back together, Mitch had made it his personal quest to draw her out. She didn't want to be drawn out. She liked her life just the way it was--safe and uncomplicated.

  She had her online friends and her photography business to keep her busy. She didn't need, or want, a man in her life. She'd been there, done that, and had the heartbreak to show for it.

  ***

  Cara settled onto the couch next to Gray with a glass of iced tea cradled in her hands. She couldn't wait until the weather turned cooler as fall settled firmly over Austin, perfect for sitting in front of the fireplace, talking and making wedding plans. But tonight it was still warm and muggy and the air conditioner hummed in the background. She wasn't in the mood to talk about the wedding, either. Angel's initial refusal to be her maid of honor had hurt her feelings, and Gray had picked up on her mood.

  He put his arm around her and pulled her in close, kissing her forehead. "Want to tell me what's wrong?"

  Cara shook her head. How could she tell him that choosing Mitch as his best man might ruin the wedding? She'd assumed he'd ask Sam, but he'd insisted that while Sam was his best friend, Mitch was family. Which was the same reason she'd asked Angel to be maid of honor instead of Reggie, so how could she criticize his choice? But she had this uneasiness in the pit of her stomach that they might have made a terrible mistake.

  She watched enough reality television about weddings to have nightmares. Maybe they should just elope.

  "Is this about Angel?" Gray asked, rubbing a hand up her arm.

  "How did you guess?"

  "Maybe because you've been dreading asking her to be in the wedding. So I take it she said no?"

  "At first," she said, covering his hand with her own. She never tired of touching him, being touched by him. "But she finally agreed."

  "What did you have to bribe her with? A new car?" He chuckled when she stuck her tongue out at him.

  "Nothing so expensive. I just had to promise we wouldn't try any matchmaking, and that she didn't have to have anything to do with Mitch beyond the recessional."

  Gray dropped a soft kiss on her upturned mouth. "I don't understand why she has such a problem with Mitch. As far as I know, he's never done anything to her. I didn't think they even knew each other. He's never mentioned her."

  "She's never mentioned him before, either, which makes me think there's something there, either in the past or just some strong attraction now, and Angel is running from it. So we have to block her escape." Cara looked up at Gray from beneath her lashes, something she'd learned drove him crazy and pretty much guaranteed that he would give her whatever she wanted.

  Gray shut his eyes. "Oh no you don't. You're not pulling that trick on me again."

  She batted her eyelashes against his chin, tickling him. "Open your eyes."

  "No."

  "Come on, Gray. Just one last itty-bitty favor."

  He opened one eye and sighed. "We're going to do it again, aren't we?"

  Cara laughed and kissed him, deep and hard. "Yep. Looks like we're having a destination wedding."

  ***

  "Oh, no. Not a chance. You bullied me into being in the wedding, but I'm not spending a couple of days trapped somewhere with no way out. Find yourself another bridesmaid." Angel could feel the panic attack building again. She had to get away, find some place where she could breathe. But Cara blocked the door to the kitchen and her mother stood in the doorway to the hall. Gray guarded the front door.

  They'd ganged up on her and cut off all avenues of escape. Sweat broke out on her forehead. Why couldn't they just leave her the hell alone? Why couldn't she have been an only child? Or an orphan? Then she wouldn't have people trying to force her to do things she didn't want to do.

  "What is so wrong with Mitch?" Cara demanded. "I want to know. Has he hurt you in some way? Forced himself on you? Belitt
led you or made fun of you?"

  Angel shook her head, her hair flying around her face. "No. I don't know. It's just…I can't explain it. He scares me."

  Gray's brows furrowed and his fists clenched. "If he's done anything to you, I'll take him apart myself."

  "No. He's been a perfect gentleman. Maybe that's the problem. He's just too damned nice. So I don't trust him."

  Cara laughed. "You don't like him because he's nice? Then what's the problem? It's the bad boys you have to watch out for. A gentleman will leave you alone if you ask him to. He won't push or press. Just tell him politely to leave you alone and he will. And if he doesn't, Gray will take care of it. Fair enough?"

  The panic began to abate a bit and Angel dragged in a deep breath. "Where are we going? It has to be somewhere I can get away from if I have to. No cruise ship this time."

  "Come sit down," Cara said, "and we'll tell you all about it. You're going to love it"

  No, she wouldn't. She wouldn't love being anywhere with Mitch. But curiosity won out and she followed Cara to the couch. Gray sat on one side of Angel and Cara sat on the other side. Trying to pen her in? When her mother pulled a chair up to face her across the coffee table, she was sure of it.

  Cara pulled some brochures from her purse and spread them across the table. "We're having an outdoor wedding and the one thing I want more than anything else is snow. Since the chances of that in Austin are nearly zilch, we have to find the perfect spot that has both snow and lots of scenery. But it needs to be somewhere in the states so our friends don't have to get passports to attend."

  Angel picked up a brochure and opened it. "Wow, it looks cold."

  Cara grinned. "But can you imagine how gorgeous we'll all be, wearing fur jackets with our dresses? I want long gloves and ear muffs, too. The pictures will be amazing."

  Angel sighed. It did sound beautiful. "But how are you going to pull a wedding together that fast? Valentine's Day is only a few months away."

  "I've chosen places that do complete packages, right down to the photographer and DJ. All we have to do is pick out the dresses and get them altered." Cara leaned into Gray and he pulled her in close. "We're cutting it close, but I thought we'd go shopping tomorrow. I've already scouted out a few places and had some dresses put aside."

  "But I had plans for tomorrow. I don't think I can change them on such short notice." This was too much, too fast. She'd kept her defenses in place all these years by always controlling her surroundings, her schedule, the people she let near, and now Cara was trying to wrest that control from her. She didn't think she could handle it.

  "Please? For me? Just one day, that's all I'm asking." She grinned. "Well, that and the week on the mountain, but who's counting?"

  "A week? Why a week?" Her heart beat went into double time. "No, I can't do that. Two days, maybe, for rehearsals and stuff, but that's it." No way was she spending a week trapped on a mountain. Not even her meds could get her through that.

  "We're making a vacation out of it for the wedding party. We're going to do all the touristy stuff during the day in between taking care of wedding details. At night we'll hang out around a fire and just relax so the wedding day isn't so stressful. We'll have plenty of time to chill out."

  Cara's mother smiled at Angel. "Doesn't that sound wonderful, dear?"

  No, it didn't sound wonderful at all. "But I hate snow. I hate cold. I thought you were getting married on the beach where it's warm?" She sounded whiny and petulant, but she couldn't help it. She hated surprises. Hated having plans uprooted and turned upside down. Why couldn't they see that? Didn't they know her at all?

  "Don't whine, Angel. It isn't becoming." Her mother turned to Gray. "Would you like some coffee, Gray? Or maybe some hot chocolate? I have cookies fresh from the oven."

  Gray took the cue and followed her into the kitchen. "Hot chocolate sounds wonderful, Mrs. Kensington."

  "Oh, shoo. Call me Anna. You're practically family now."

  An uncomfortable silence settled over the living room as Angel avoided looking at Cara and Cara never took her gaze off of Angel. The grandfather clock on the sideboard ticked away the passing seconds, then minutes.

  "Would you stop staring at me like that?" Angel snapped before she turned and walked to the window, pulling the curtain back to look outside.

  "Would you stop acting like a wounded warrior with PTSD?" Cara snapped back. "Look, honey, I'm sorry. I know life hasn't been kind to you. But what happened was years ago. You've let the best years of your life pass you by while you hide out here with Mom. You need to get some help or you're going to die in this house, a lonely, bitter old woman."

  Angel shook her head, silent tears streaking down her cheeks. "I can't," she whispered. "I can't imagine telling someone else what I did."

  "Oh. My. God. You act like you're the only woman who ever had to give a child up for adoption. Angel, I love you dearly, but you seriously need to get a life and get over it already. Your son is out there somewhere, with parents who love him, who take him to school and soccer practice, who watch all his games, who are putting money away for his college. He wasn't dropped into a deep black hole like you've relegated yourself to. If he even knows he's adopted, he's probably not letting it destroy his life. So why should you let it destroy yours?"

  Cara took a breath, started to say something else, then sighed. "I'm sorry. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. If you decide you want to join Reggie and me tomorrow, we're meeting at Giselle's at ten. You can show up, or you can hide out here where you're safe. I give up."

  She stalked away, slamming the kitchen door behind her. Angel could hear the murmur of voices, then she heard the back door slam. She looked back out the window in time to see Gray and Cara stop in the front yard, where Gray pulled Cara into his arms so she could cry on his shoulder.

  What the hell did Cara have to cry about? She'd somehow managed to break the cycle of teenaged pregnancy that had plagued the family for three generations. She had no idea what it was like, not knowing if the child you'd carried was alive or dead, loved or abused, healthy or sick. To hear your child crying for weeks, months, even years after they'd ripped him from your arms because you wouldn't let go. To look at every teenage boy you passed on the street and wonder if one of them was yours.

  So maybe she did have PTSD. What the hell was she supposed to do about it?

  ***

  "I swear there's something wrong with that woman, Mitch. Why do you want anything to do with her?" Gray slid one arm, then the other into the tuxedo sleeve while Mitch held the jacket for him. "I think you need to forget about her and find a nice, normal woman."

  Mitch ignored Gray's criticism of Angel. He didn't know everything that had happened to her like Mitch did. He settled the jacket on Gray's shoulders then stepped back to see how it looked. "I like the other one better. The tails seem like a bit much for what y'all have planned."

  Gray looked in the full length mirror, turning sideways to check out the tails. "Hmm. You may be right."

  "Here, try this one." Mitch handed him a conservatively-cut black tuxedo. "It's a little more dignified."

  "Hey, I can do dignified." Gray tried the jacket on. "Feels pretty good."

  "Looks good too. Now, are you going with a vest or a cummerbund?"

  "I have no idea. Which one is better?" After trying the tuxedo both ways, Gray said, "The cumberbund, I think."

  "It's actually cummerbund, not cumberbund, but either way, I agree."

  "Cummerbund, cumberbund. Whatever. But how do I know what color?"

  "You want to match it to the bridesmaids dresses, I think."

  Gray turned and gave Mitch an appraising look. "How do you know so much about this wedding stuff, anyway?"

  Mitch laughed. "Three sisters and a brother, remember? I've been in every wedding. So, what color?"

  "I have no idea." Gray looked at the wide array of choices. "Guess I'd better see if I can find out."

  Mitch waved the hovering salesman ov
er. "He'll take the jacket and pants. We'll worry about the cummerbund later. And he needs shoes, a belt, bow tie, etc."

  "Very good, sir."

  "And I need the same thing, size 42 long for the jacket, pants 34 x 36."

  "Yes, sir."

  "What about Sam?" Mitch looked around. "Where did he go?"

  Gray pointed toward the front doors. "Outside to talk to Reggie. I swear, if those two aren't together, they're on the phone talking to each other. Never seen anything like it."

  "Okay, wait here. I'll go get him."

  Mitch pushed the doors open and waved to Sam. "Your turn. And hey, while you have her on the phone, ask Reggie what color the bridesmaids dresses are."

  He went back inside, stopping to look at the shoe choices. How many times had he done this? Three for his sisters, once for his brother, now for Gray. Five times a groomsman, but never a groom. Not good enough for the one woman he couldn't get out of his head.

  Gray wondered why he was so obsessed with Angel, but Gray didn't know he and Angel had a history of sorts. He'd felt responsible for her for years, had tried to help her in a number of different ways. Hell, he'd even proposed to her when he was eighteen. For all the wrong reasons, of course, but she'd turned him down flat and returned every letter he'd written, refused every check and gift he'd sent her, and turned the other way if she saw him walking down the street.

  He'd tried his best on the cruise, had even thought he was getting somewhere until the last night when he'd found her leaning against the railing, crying. He'd tried to comfort her, but when he couldn't answer one very important question, she'd nearly pushed him overboard in her hurry to get away from him. How the hell was he supposed to know it was her kid's birthday?

  Fine. If she wanted to wallow in her guilt and misery, that was her problem. But he was done with paying for a sin that wasn't even his.